If you couldn't tell already, I love sports. I love the Dallas Cowboys. I love stat crunching for baseball (an ERA under 2.50 and an OPS over .800 makes me cream my pants). I love the NBA trade deadline and March Madness. I don't love the BCS, but that's for another blog post.
And I know loving sports has caught me a lot of flack with my peers, bunch of D&D lovers (I kid, I kid). But, my love of sports knows no bounds as this past decade was probably a dark period in the history of athletic competition. But I'm here to convince all of you the reasons why you should love these games, even though they are full of.. [shh] CHEATERS.
Baseball is still balls deep (hehe, I made a funny) in the Steroid Era. Sure, dudes get caught and get punished. Literally. You get caught doing PED [Performacne Enhancing Drungs] like steroids once and you get suspended 50 games; a second time, 100 games. Third time, you're out like Shoeless Joe and Pete Rose.
The problem with this system? Most of the "major offenders" are retired. Let's press the rewind button back to 1994. The strike that wiped out a World Series. These were dark times for the MLB. Now, this isn't the beginning of the steroid era. This is the catalyst for why it blew up. The Bash Brothers (Jose Conseco and Mark MacGuire) in Oakland were the fore runners of the steroid movement; but after the strike, everyone did it. Ken Caminiti, Sammy Sosa, Rafael Palmeiro, Jason Giambi, Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez were all great players. Also, they all did steroids at some point in their careers.
Now, some of these players were very sorry about their use of steroids. Some; including Sosa, Palmeiro, Ramirez and Barry Bonds; refuse to admit they did it. Good for them. I like the guys that unabashedly used and repeatedly said that they'd do it all over again. Jose Canseco, self proclaimed "godfather" of the steroid era, said he mixed his drugs to amazing effect to become the 245 pound slugger with 0% body fat and did it for the love of the game and fandom. Ken Caminiti never apologized for his use and said that if that's the way the game has evolved, why should he not encourage players coming up to use if it'll get them a contract. They're the heroes. If not for Canseco's discovery of the gym rat's best friend back in the day, baseball would be in the same position as hockey was for a year for the 2004-2005 season, locked out and not playing. The 1998 home run race would have been non existent without Canseco and steroids. The season that saved baseball wouldn't have happened.
OK, so you're asking yourself, "Damon, what about the integrity of the game?"
THE GAME? You do realize what you just inquired about, right? A game? Fuck integrity, I wanna see moon shots going over the St. Louis Arch or the Golden Gate Bridge. I wanna see pitchers blow through a catchers glove with 105 mph heat. Steroids saved baseball and we should all personally thank Jose Conseco for that.
(Oh, and on a little side note, gambling is a terrible vice and should be nipped in the bud as it has been by baseball. Bulging muscles that result in testicles shrinking to peas and retracting near the lower intestines? Perfectly fine, but keep betting away from the kids. We can't be animals about this game, right?)
I also love the fact that basketball players making millions of dollars more than real star players are bringing guns to locker rooms as apart of pranks. You remember that one episode of Jackass when Bam shot Novak in the shoulder with his scoped M16. Fuckin' hilarious.
But, on a serious note about basketball, the owners are making the game less about players and more about economic strategy. And that's great for us. We need the owners to think ahead. We need better arenas, better choice in seats, and two crappy teams to play each other. Who cares who they are? They need to dribble, shoot and steal the ball to sub par effect for the game to continue at least. That's all I really need. Dunking is overrated.
And don't even get me started on football. Same situation, no salary cap looming, great years ahead. I mean, there could be a Yankee's football team! How amazing would that be? You could sign anyone you want, as long as you pay the luxury tax. An all star team with a combined 300 million pay roll. Could you imagine Jerry Jones passing up the chance to do that?
Yes, and it'll happen soon. Owners cheating fans and players cheating the game, isn't it all wonderful?
(In honesty, steroids are one of the worst things to happen to baseball, regardless of the strike and the Home Run Race of 98. Basketball is going down the road of union strikedom and the owners deserve it for running the league into the ground. Football, eh, I was gonna do the Spygate joke, but it's not that funny and just a blemish on the letterman jacket that the Patriots owned the decade wearing.)
(And in respect to Ken Caminiti and his family, he had nothing to hide when he admitted to doing steroids. He was a respectable teammate who never quit on his team. Rest in peace, Ken)
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