Stand Up Material, Joke I

I fancy myself to be kinda funny at times, but I'm quite flattered every time someone suggests that I should do stand up. In fact, I've collected some of my best "wow, that was really funny, Damon" moments in my head and will share some with you over time in a segment dubbed, Stand Up Material. Enjoy:

"Didja ever notice that girls go to parties in groups? I always wondered about that. Why bring other girls to a party when they could possibly get in the way of you getting the hawt guy you've been flirting with at college.

Not that he goes to college, he's a rebel. He he.

NO, they don't think about getting laid. That's why they go in groups! They're afraid of getting taken advantage of by some dick heads. At a party.

So, lemme ask you girls in the audience a simple question, just to get it of my mind: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GO TO PARTIES TO HAVE FUN IF YOU'RE TOO AFRAID TO HAVE FUN!?!

Isn't the whole idea of a party to have fucking FUN?! Why go to this danger zone if all you really wanna do is sit at home with friends and do the same shit you were going to do at a party?! Get rip roaring drunk, make an ass out of your self and pass out in some random place with a trash can to puke in. I do that shit all the time in the comfort of my own home. I call it alcoholism.

And honestly, most of the girls who go to these parties, who aren't the sluts by the way, need to get laid. Yet, they happily go in groups. And the funny thing this group dynamic doesn't always work.

Picture this:

One of these girls at a party falls off the wagon, so to speak. She's in the middle of getting laid. And the door to the room opens. Another of her group, naked and crying, asks for help. She's about to join her friend in relapsing and doesn't know what to do. The guy in the middle, and not in the good way as this story comes off, looses his stiffy to this bullshit and walks out on her.

Moral of the story, don't go to parties guys. Half the time the sex will be embarrassingly bad and awkward, and the other half is mindblowingly awesome and will probably get you herpes. Yeah, I'm talking to you, sluts.

Shit, I'd go to more parties if I didn't think that I was that guy that the girls were protecting themselves from. That and I hate people. Fuck people."

Yeah.

In defense of this joke, I discovered that girls do this kinda thing to themselves from a few female friends and made a joke similar to the "Why the fuck do you even go to parties?" tangent and they laughed. Needless to say, I took it a few steps further and added some other parallels.

I hope you laughed, cause that's the whole damned point. Fuckers.

(Next time I'll talk about the 5 for 5 deal at Arby's. Cause, you know, it can't all be about sluts.)