The Trolls in WoW Look Like Klingons And Cows Are Sexy

The first snow of 2010 has been eventful. I got extra hours at work, so I guess that's a plus.

(I'm trying to find something to write about, I got nothing really.)

A little over a decade ago, my little brother Dylan and I were watching football on Sunday's like most kids in America do. And one day, a team played like most gamers did in Madden NFL Football. Dylan fell in love with the St. Louis Rams. With a powerful offensive nucleus of running back Marshall Faulk, a dual threat in the backfield with the running game and the passing game, he came to the Rams through trade before the 1999 season; Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt, wide receivers crucial to the air attack known as The Greatest Show On Turf. Issac was the veteran and Torry was the rookie; Orlando Pace and Adam Timmerman anchored the offensive line as Pro Bowl caliber lineman; The defense wasn't bad either, with notable Pro Bowl players such as Kevin Carter, Grant Wistrom, London Fletcher, Billy Jenkins, Todd Lyght, Dexter McCleon and Dre' Bly.

But the most important piece of the puzzle was Kurt Warner, with his improbable comeback Hall of Fame career story. You know it and I know it, so I won't go through with copy/pasting the wiki file here. What I will do is tell you the impact he had in my little brothers and my life. He was living proof that anything can happen at anytime. That a player without a high draft profile pedigree can be an amazing player. That just cause a player is a 65 on Madden doesn't mean he can't be more.

To watch Kurt Warner in his prime was like watching a strategist perform a calculated plan down field. Should I do the obvious and bomb one down field for an instant touchdown to Az-Zahir Hakim or should I march down field with a strong rushing attack and short passes to Ricky Proehl. With as many offensive weapons as The Greatest Show On Turf had, you have to commend Kurt for using all of them to effectiveness while spreading the ball around for everyone to share. He was both the player's quarterback; someone who understood the tools around them without becoming distant and cold; and the fan's quarterback; a player whom doesn't alienate their fan base by being pompous and synonymous with mass market money making, he connects in both story and in person. Somebody that everyone can look up to as a player and a person.

Friday, he announced his retirement from the professional game of football. He will be missed, because there will never be another player quite like him.

I think when I go home to see Dylan, I'll share a moment with him about that 1999 year. That year, they were the greatest show in sports.

Wow, Not Even A Week In...

I really didn't have the time to work on a post today, I was worried about the weather (so cold that when it rained, the car was frozen on the outside!) and work, so I can't think about what to write today. I do have the whole Godfather trilogy now so I should have all the movies watched and will finish the Manhood story soon. Have a safe night and keep you shotguns close.

Stand Up Material, Joke I

I fancy myself to be kinda funny at times, but I'm quite flattered every time someone suggests that I should do stand up. In fact, I've collected some of my best "wow, that was really funny, Damon" moments in my head and will share some with you over time in a segment dubbed, Stand Up Material. Enjoy:

"Didja ever notice that girls go to parties in groups? I always wondered about that. Why bring other girls to a party when they could possibly get in the way of you getting the hawt guy you've been flirting with at college.

Not that he goes to college, he's a rebel. He he.

NO, they don't think about getting laid. That's why they go in groups! They're afraid of getting taken advantage of by some dick heads. At a party.

So, lemme ask you girls in the audience a simple question, just to get it of my mind: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU GO TO PARTIES TO HAVE FUN IF YOU'RE TOO AFRAID TO HAVE FUN!?!

Isn't the whole idea of a party to have fucking FUN?! Why go to this danger zone if all you really wanna do is sit at home with friends and do the same shit you were going to do at a party?! Get rip roaring drunk, make an ass out of your self and pass out in some random place with a trash can to puke in. I do that shit all the time in the comfort of my own home. I call it alcoholism.

And honestly, most of the girls who go to these parties, who aren't the sluts by the way, need to get laid. Yet, they happily go in groups. And the funny thing this group dynamic doesn't always work.

Picture this:

One of these girls at a party falls off the wagon, so to speak. She's in the middle of getting laid. And the door to the room opens. Another of her group, naked and crying, asks for help. She's about to join her friend in relapsing and doesn't know what to do. The guy in the middle, and not in the good way as this story comes off, looses his stiffy to this bullshit and walks out on her.

Moral of the story, don't go to parties guys. Half the time the sex will be embarrassingly bad and awkward, and the other half is mindblowingly awesome and will probably get you herpes. Yeah, I'm talking to you, sluts.

Shit, I'd go to more parties if I didn't think that I was that guy that the girls were protecting themselves from. That and I hate people. Fuck people."

Yeah.

In defense of this joke, I discovered that girls do this kinda thing to themselves from a few female friends and made a joke similar to the "Why the fuck do you even go to parties?" tangent and they laughed. Needless to say, I took it a few steps further and added some other parallels.

I hope you laughed, cause that's the whole damned point. Fuckers.

(Next time I'll talk about the 5 for 5 deal at Arby's. Cause, you know, it can't all be about sluts.)

The Story of Manhood, Delayed.

I got The Godfather trilogy from Netflix, and every disc; The Godfather, The Godfather: Part II disc one and two, and The Godfather: Part III; all had scenes that skipped or were just unwatchable on DVD. I wanted to post the follow-up to A Story of Manhood by doing a review of The Godfather: Part II, but it skipped Don Vito's child hood!!! Lemme repeat that, the second scene of the disc was FUCKED UP BEYOND REPAIR. So, I (and you, the reader, as well) must wait for Netflix to send me a replacement in the next two business days. I am not upset, by the way. The very contradiction, I understand to the fullest. This is a trilogy in cinema that is well watched, almost more so than the first Star Wars trilogy. Of course the discs are going to have some wear and tear. That is to be expected. I just am impatient and was in the middle of the third movie; and yes, I did skip the scene and finish Part II, sue me.

This is me making sure I don't fall behind on scehdual as I am so apt to do. I want this to be as consistent as possible. And trust me, when I do post A Story of Manhood: Part II, you will all be in for a HUGE shock.

A Story of Manhood

Today I felt like a man. I was cooking burgers, having a beer and smoking. I walked around the house with a true sense of purpose, no bullshit accepted. It felt as if I had all the authority and dignity of being an adult; added to the fact that I found out just hours earlier that I'd have to work all week on the morning shift that I hated and didn't feel any of the animosity towards it. I had the feelings of a red blooded male. Oh, not to mention the fact that I was in between watching The Godfather and The Godfather Part II.

The Godfather trilogy centers around the Corleone's family though the generations and their actions within the gangster underworld of pre-modern 20th century. It focuses on Michael Corleone's becoming the Don and his trailblazing road of bloodshed and vengeance.

The first movie is hailed as the greatest gangster movie of all time, 3 years after the novel had come out. And I thought at the time of reading that, "And I thought the Twilight series being rushed to theaters was an odd occurrence." But of course, we all know that there is a vast difference between the Ann Rice fan fiction of an excommunicated Mormon and the sheer powerhouse cinema that is The Godfather.

I found my self speechless in watching this movie a second time. (The first time had been in my ceremonious film class I had in my first and only year in college.) All the things I had loved about the movie: the superb dialogue and character development of Al Pacino's Michael, the award winning performance of Marlon Brando as Don Vito Corleone, the supporting cast that featured Robert Duvall, John Cazale and Abe Vigoda; the strong sense of loyalty, respect and purpose combined with the Shakespearean tragedy that comes with losing all of that by becoming revenge driven, power hungry and lustful.

To be honest; this movie had it all, then never forgot the small details. The odd moments where you watch Luca Brasi(portrayed by Lenny Montana) practice his words before seeing his Don at his daughters wedding. The family bond that the mobsters have together during the scene when Michael comes home to find out what happens to his father to be taught how to cook for 20 adult males. The abuse that actress Talia Shire's Connie Corelone is subjected to by her husband, only to have it resolved at the end of the movie. Speaking of the ending, it is the most awe striking scene of all; in my opinion the best scene of the movie and obviously my favorite. I won't ruin it for you (I think I should have written SPOILERS, BEWARE all over this thing), but it is the movie for me.

Your faithful writer gets up to go watch the second movie while having his beers, burgers and smokes

(The second part to this will be posted very soon.)

Me in a Nutshell: Extended

This wouldn't fit in my blog's "About Me" column I renamed "Me in a Nutshell." Apparently my nut is too big for it's shell. Here's what the whole column should have read:

A hack writer, a bad musician, a z-list director and a chronic masturbater. I don't have anything published, but I should be changing that in a five year plan I cannot show you. Doctor's orders.

I also have a guitar which I am learning how to play and a few movies I have shot to comical effect. I plan on working on these hobbies as well and might post updates to those on this blog as I see fit.

I have a loving girlfriend/fiancee and the most awesome family known to man. My hero's are my Mother and my Nama (grandmother), Bill Murray, Emmitt Smith and Metallica.

I love a variety of music: metal (thrash, death, groove), alternative rock (grunge, industrial, progressive), classic rock (60's, art, stadium), hip hop (classic, gangsta rap) and video game music (nes, snes, genesis, soundtracks from modern games).

I love good movies. Great movies, actually. I am a Netflix addict on a 350+ movie queue. Some of my favorite movies include: Apocalypse Now, Chinatown, A Clockwork Orange, Whisper of the Heart, Samurai Rebellion, The Dark Knight. (Favorite guilty pleasure? Jackass: The Movie and Jackass: Number Two)

The only movie I have directed might have gotten me a failing grade in my final film class. Not because it's overtly bad or anything. I'd have to say it was the best thing I have worked on up to this point. It had cursing in it and drinking was implied. (It's a small junior college in the bible belt, so it's to be expected...) Arbor Day ran at almost 30 minutes; It's a horror movie in the vein of Halloween but with bad funny dialogue, bloody deaths and it all almost got me arrested. The credits ran over 5 minutes because I added the blooper reel and an even smaller short film to them. It was a lot of fun and I can't wait to have my own camera so I can start filming bullshit with friends that will train me to actually become a director someday.

With the seriousness of this post, I feel that this is the only thing I can close it on:

( . ) ( . ) Boobies. Hurray Boobies.

I'm here World, look at ME! (and other such ramblings)

I can't believe it has taken this long for me to venture into the blogs-sphere. I mean, this would be a perfect fit for me to ramble on for days and days. No one would listen, but of course, that changes nothing. There will be a few things for me to change with this blog, as such: explaining inside jokes, posting ideas that are scratching my head (giving me a headache, by the way!) just to get out and my wanton love of music, movies, gaming, sports and, to no surprise to anyone, titties.

(On a more recent note, I just watched Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson *He was a doctor of journalism, if you must ask*. A lot of things clicked with me, like the lack of bravery this country has compared to the sixties and the comparison of Richard Nixon to George W. Bush. But those are fairly obvious. Now to the one that is one of the many factors for me getting this blog, Hunter's drive to never quit writing. He was a constant typist. He was always working on the next big thing. He had no time to slow down, for if he did it would be the end of him. I want to use this blog to push me to do something semi-constantly. Maybe I'll use it to tire my hands till the brink of pain. Maybe I'll use it to make my ideas flow onto paper. Maybe I'll bitch about the Dallas Cowboys. I dunno. But I want to put forth the effort that is at least inspired by Dr. Thompson and his courageous career.)